Depends on the favor and if you want to do it of course. I’d say be better than them and respond, don’t bring up the last time, and if you don’t want to just kindly say that you don’t want to or can’t.
Since I don’t know details, I assume it’s someone you haven’t talked to in 6 months and they want help moving or something, I’d say “Hey good to hear from you! Unfortunately I can’t, sorry, but let me know if you want to meet up for a beer or something”
keep it simple and vague. You don’t need to give them a reason or an excuse, just simply can’t.
I love this response. It feels like justice to treat someone the way they’ve treated you, but ultimately that doesn’t create the kind of relationships and society that I want to live in.
Of course it’s a case-by-case thing, because everything is nuanced and no one knows what OP’s relationship has been like and what kind of person either of them are. There are circumstances in which I would agree to help because I feel like I can and I want to create “good karma.” There are circumstances under which I would say exactly what you suggested. And there are circumstances under which I would not respond at all.
In other words OP, there’s no right or wrong answer here. Do whatever is most consistent with the kind of person you want to be, factored in with not making yourself vulnerable to potential abuse.
Exactly. I try to be fairly neutral in situations like this. Being nice would be to feel guilted into it and give in, but that will only tell them that it worked, it won’t renew the friendship. Being negative will only convince them you’re an asshole. A clear answer here the truth, it’s not mean, it’s not nice, just right in the middle.
I find that treating shitty people kindly just lets them know they can continue being shitty and people will still be nice to them. Accidents happen and people deserve some leeway but if someone is known for being shitty I think it’s better to give them the same energy they put out.
If you punish an adult (within social norms) you mostly get negative results. If you give them grace you might not get it in return but you also are less likely to suffer.
That would work for someone having an off day. Not an actual shitty person. If they knowingly didn’t reply for half a year and only messages back when they wanted to use them, that’s likely an actual shitty person.
Shitty people usually lack empathy, which is why they are ok with being shitty. If you treat them with kindness, they are much more likely to keep abusing the situation. When I refer to a shitty person, I’m talking about narcissistic, machevellian, slightly sociopathic types of people.
Depends on the favor and if you want to do it of course. I’d say be better than them and respond, don’t bring up the last time, and if you don’t want to just kindly say that you don’t want to or can’t.
Since I don’t know details, I assume it’s someone you haven’t talked to in 6 months and they want help moving or something, I’d say “Hey good to hear from you! Unfortunately I can’t, sorry, but let me know if you want to meet up for a beer or something”
keep it simple and vague. You don’t need to give them a reason or an excuse, just simply can’t.
I love this response. It feels like justice to treat someone the way they’ve treated you, but ultimately that doesn’t create the kind of relationships and society that I want to live in.
Of course it’s a case-by-case thing, because everything is nuanced and no one knows what OP’s relationship has been like and what kind of person either of them are. There are circumstances in which I would agree to help because I feel like I can and I want to create “good karma.” There are circumstances under which I would say exactly what you suggested. And there are circumstances under which I would not respond at all.
In other words OP, there’s no right or wrong answer here. Do whatever is most consistent with the kind of person you want to be, factored in with not making yourself vulnerable to potential abuse.
Exactly. I try to be fairly neutral in situations like this. Being nice would be to feel guilted into it and give in, but that will only tell them that it worked, it won’t renew the friendship. Being negative will only convince them you’re an asshole. A clear answer here the truth, it’s not mean, it’s not nice, just right in the middle.
I find that treating shitty people kindly just lets them know they can continue being shitty and people will still be nice to them. Accidents happen and people deserve some leeway but if someone is known for being shitty I think it’s better to give them the same energy they put out.
If you punish an adult (within social norms) you mostly get negative results. If you give them grace you might not get it in return but you also are less likely to suffer.
That would work for someone having an off day. Not an actual shitty person. If they knowingly didn’t reply for half a year and only messages back when they wanted to use them, that’s likely an actual shitty person.
Shitty people usually lack empathy, which is why they are ok with being shitty. If you treat them with kindness, they are much more likely to keep abusing the situation. When I refer to a shitty person, I’m talking about narcissistic, machevellian, slightly sociopathic types of people.
Game theory says otherwise
Could you elaborate? I’m no expert, but what the previous poster says sounds like tit-for-tat to me, which is a good strategy.