I had an ex pressure me real hard to get an apartment with her so she could move out of her mom’s house. When I was apprehensive she started tanking her relationship with her mom, starting fights over extremely small issues, and then pointing at those fights as reason that she needed to move out immediately.
When I still didn’t drop everything to cohabitate, she moved to a town an hour away and started pressing me to borrow a car or hitch a ride to go visit her (my vehicle can’t do more then half an hour on the highway without overheating). The first and only time I went I had gotten a ride intending to spend the night. She was at work when I got there so I cleaned up some trash and had dinner delivered.
I don’t have a great memory of what all happened when she got home, but I ended up having a panic attack during which she was very intently pressing me to admit that something was my fault. After what felt like hours she abruptly grabbed her keys and left without saying anything about where or why she was going. I had to call my mom for a ride because no one else was answering.
Ex returned before my mom got there, apparently she was “giving me some space” and was now angry that I didn’t appreciate it. The next day I got a short-story-length text from her asserting that I needed to apologize for “freaking out over nothing”.
I reckon this wasn’t even really the worst thing, per se. But it was the last thing, so it sticks out a lot in my mind. Somewhere I have a folder filled with screenshots of the worst of the emotional abuse/manipulation. It’s easy to forget the unsavory parts of someone you loved once. You have to keep a record so you don’t get used.
They told me that if I went to college and got a job, I’d be able to afford groceries.
Speaking of college/jobs, they told me that going to them would help me make more friends.
My cat pretends he’s starving to death. Every day. Even though I just fed you, Mojo
First ex would threaten to kill herself everyday if I didn’t bend over backwards for her.
Also shit that my parents did but they were young and dumb trying to raise a kid and our relationship is actually very solid now
That’s probably BPD, your ex.
You can’t really assume that just based on the fact that the person was manipulative. BPD doesn’t deserve the hatred and stigma that it has, because not all individuals with BPD are manipulative or toxic, and individuals without the disorder can be terrible and abusive just the same.
Please don’t further spread negative stigma about people who struggle with a very difficult disorder which does not inherently make us awful, manipulative people.
(Signed, someone with BPD who is very aware of how she treats others and has a very healthy and fulfilling relationship with another individual with BPD)
I grew up with one. I cannot agree.
Just because you know one person who has a particular disorder does not mean that every person with the disorder is the same as them. That’s harmful and reductive, if not downright dehumanizing.
Try reading the subreddit r/BPDlovedones. They all have the same experience over and over and over again with borderlines. Haven’t seen one who has had a good outcome with a relationship with a borderline. They’re all there because it’s terrifying and terrorizing.
The only people who post there are those who had bad relationships with individuals with BPD, the ones who have healthy and happy relationships will not post there, obviously. Just because some people have bad experiences with others who have untreated BPD doesn’t mean everyone with BPD is guaranteed to behave in the same ways.
If there was a subreddit called r/lefthandedlovedones full of people complaining about bad experiences with left handed people, that doesn’t mean that all left handed people are abusive.
Find me someone who has had a good relationship with a borderline. Find me a subreddit that has people with those experiences. There isn’t and that’s because it’s universally a terrible experience.
