Heard a guy respond to another guy calling him a motherfucker with ‘yeah, but your mom didn’t complain much’, so it got me thinking. What are your best comebacks for the common insults you hear from time to time?
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries.
Which, IIRC, insinuated that their mother was a snackish breeder and their father was a gin drunk. (Also, that she was past tense?)
She got better
Might go for a walk!
That’s just like… Your opinion man
“Well, I guess you’re no longer invited to my birthday party.”
Said to a random person, it confuses the hell out of them.
“No u”
Ultimate uno reverse card.
“I didn’t realise the circus was in town!”
“Were your parents siblings, or was it just a lot of head trauma?”
“I’d tell you to read the room, but we both know reading isn’t your strong suite.”
“What other tricks can you do?”
“Sorry, I’m not going to have a battle of wits with someone who is clearly unarmed.”
If someone calls you fat.
Ya I’m fat but I can lose weight. The hell are you going to do with that face.
I’ve heard this one!
Heard of. Heard of.
Ignoring them. Nothing grinds their gears more.
“keep going with that, it’s turning me on”
The best response to every insult is “ok”. Say that and walk away.
No one insults me, so these aren’t field tested.
“Oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called and they’re running out of you.”
“I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”
“Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”
“What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
Excuse me, did you mean to say that out loud?
and
Insecure much?
I think in general, sometimes a glittering beautiful so sharp it cuts to the bone comeback just comes to mind, and sometimes it doesn’t, so it’s good to remember that what people say, says more about them personally than the person they are talking about.
So?
If you want my cum back you’ll have to scrape it off your mother’s teeth - Jimmy Carr
You’re clearly not burdened by an abundance of education.
