This is becoming more common in my town. I just either feel like an ass saying I dont have cash, or lying, but I also can’t be giving out 20’s to everyone who asks.
I feel bad for most of them but at the same time I get anxiety walking down the sidewalk and seeing someone up ahead that I know is going to ask me for money. Its not like you can say “oh no, I donate to services that help the needy” because that person isn’t necessarily being helped by that. And ignoring completely feels so mean, plus I tried that one time and the person was screaming at me as i walked away that I ignored them.
I also dont want my city to round them up and send them to prison camps, something they are planning and that I know a lot of people would vote for just to “get rid of them” but im not supporting that at all.
Its tough.
It’s not tough.
Look them in the eyes like a human being and say “sorry dude, not today”.
Alternatively just carry small amounts of cash to give to them.
Another alternative is asking them if they would like some food instead.
No matter what you do, keep in mind you are very likely a small step away from homelessness yourself.
We tried giving one guy food in Chicago. He kind of wrinkled his nose and said something like “i prefer joe’s” or something. Can’t remember the exact place. Safe to say that our generosity got stifled on that journey after that.
Am not from states.
Absolutely ignore them. I will forever vote and say we need to house them and feed them, idgaf. But give them handouts from my poor ass, directly? Hellll no. Negative reinforcement through omission. Begging is not the way. I would rather them rob places and start murdering politicians. This is an entire society problem, not a me problem.
And before anybody calls me selfish, no - it’s an issue of ability over scale. I can kill myself to absolutely help and try to fix one person, but it would cost me so, so much. And just like in a zombie game, if there’s only one zombie, you can melee or whatever. But if there’s a horde, you fix that shit with bigger guns or bring the crew.
What that means is, I’m not rich enough to fight zombies, so I’m walking away. And homeless people can ask me all they want, and I absolutely hold the social right to ignore them like any other person out there begging me to donate to their patreon or watch their ads or whatever they need in society to survive.
Fix the fucking system. Sorry, not sorry, but, capitalism, as it is right now, is not the way.
When I was younger a person who I admired said:
“I always carry some extra money in my wallet for when someone needy asks. It’s not my place to decide if this person needs help or not. Maybe they will use the money for drugs, maybe they need the money for clothes for their children. When I die and get to the pearly gates, I don’t want to find out that I had the opportunity to help someone who needed help and I didn’t help them because I assumed they would spend the money on drugs. Maybe they will spend the money on drugs, but that’s not for me to know right now.”
I thought that was some of the most noble shit my early 20’s ass had ever heard.
Fast-forward a few years to me and my new wife honeymooning in…San Francisco. My noble naive ass brought a wallet full of cash with me so I could help people in need. Nothing terrible happened, but I soon ran out of cash and we decided to start handing out food. NOBODY WANTED THE FOOD. They just wanted the money. I would offer food, and they would just say “do you have any money?”
Anyway, nowadays I just say “sorry bro, I don’t carry cash”.
Less noble person: Always carry some extra drugs for when someone in need asks…
To be somewhat optimistic, in my experience going out to help homeless people, everyone gives food but there’s a lot of other stuff people need. Toothpaste, hand sanitizer, blankets, clothes, etc. are a lot harder to get. There’s also people who live in storage units and need money to cover that. And yeah, theres a lpt of people who just want to buy drugs, but tbh so would I if I had to deal with what they do.
If I were to become homeless, I wouldn’t be worried about finding food, I know where to go to get that, I’d be worried about everything else. Not wanting food doesn’t mean they don’t need help
Someone isn’t entitled to your money. Just say no and move on. Don’t specify. They aren’t entitled to know if you have money on your person. They aren’t entitled to know if you can or can’t spare it. One word no. No and move on with your day. No isn’t sending them to prison camps. No isn’t voting against benefits that ensure people at least get fed if not sheltered. Say no even if you DO donate to charities that help people. 50 50 that person is living off begging until he’s got enough to buy the next hit or the next bottle.
Just shake your head no and keep walking. Anyone asking for change in the street is used to rejection
A simple “no thank you” works for me if I feel that I need to say anything.
Been there done that. You never, ever know what’s the story behind a beggar. If I have and feel like it and I’m not in a rush I give. This is a fucked up world.
There was a time in my adult life that I was stealing water from a construction site so I could care for my ill partner after losing work and family members. I did claw out and found new work and a whole new life, but I was down that far and worse and you wouldn’t know it by looking at me now. I’m sure I was more than dirty at the time from having to walk everywhere. I uber’d a lot, but you can’t do that every day.
I came very close to asking strangers for help. I guess I did to some degree, I did ask for help on online forums specifically for that purpose, got very little response… but why does that seem “better” to so many people? Is it the eye-contact with someone you could become? Is it fear that you don’t feel the sympathy you think you should if you look at them?
Is it harder to smile at a poor or homeless person than someone getting out of their nice car? Why or why not?
These are all better questions that readers should ask themselves than try to answer here for the reactions of strangers. We really don’t ponder enough and it’s breaking everything at the seams.
Thanks for sharing. I guess some things in life you only start to acknowledge when you experience them yourself. Getting out of sync with society seems to be one of them.
I tell them the truth, I don’t have any cash on me.
On the rare ocassion i do, I’ll give $10 - $20. Because I’ve been on the position where $20 is the difference between eating today or not, and it’s terrifying.
Yeah same, I give them money, but I don’t usually carry cash.
I made it a personal rule that if I have a $5, it goes to whoever asks. I don’t seek people out, but if it’s asked, and I have that five dollar bill with me, it’s theirs.
If I am not in a position to give i look the person in the eye, smile apologetically and say, “no, sorry.” I try not to ignore them and i am never rude. No one has ever reacted badly.
I am stunned how few people can be this normal in this post.
You would think that there’s only two choices by people’s responses: either you have to always give everything you can to anyone you see, or you should throw smoke bombs down and disappear like a ninja lest they zap you with homeless laser rays and make you into drugs.
Have to pretend they’re not there. It’s awful. But I don’t think that if I give them a few quid they’ll turn their life around
I prefer to donate to food banks
Depends. I probably give more frequently than the average person. I live in an area with a lot of unhoused people and every encounter is different. I have seen the same people panhandling certain areas and I typically skip those, sometimes it’s someone selling a newspaper specifically made for unhoused people to sell and I’ll tend to buy one from them, sometimes it’s someone asking by a store and I’ll tell them I’ll get them on the way out, if they’re obviously not crazy or aggressive in response then yea I do give them something on the way out if I can. One guy walks straight up into traffic with his dog and it’s never for him. Sometimes I’ll have a bottle of water in the car and I will tend to give that rather than money for the intersection people.
I guess it’s vibes whether I give or not. If the vibe is obviously off or dangerous, nah. I will admit to stereotyping this scenario but if it’s a lady with a headscarf with kids…no that is a f’ed up scam.
But often it’s just someone asking and they’re not being aggressive and I’ll hand them a buck and nine times out of ten they say thank you or God bless you. 1 time out 10 it isn’t as nice or they might ask for more. I don’t belong to a church but in some ways I like the idea of tithing so I have reframed a lot of giving out some money directly as part of that. I donate to orgs too. At the end of the day, they’re people. I have no clue if or how we can solve the homelessness crisis but I have to keep reminding myself that they’re people. So I try to just think of it as if I have it today this could really benefit them and it won’t cost me too much to throw a buck their way.
We are also living in an era of increased fear and I am actively just trying to see people for whoever they are and having more small interactions with whoever. Striking up a little small talk with the cashier or people in line. Cracking a joke to a stranger if we both saw something kinda funny. Trying not to be naive about it and using my best judgement but I think we are losing our ability to just be with each other more and more. We all want to live in a community and have a nice neighborhood. The reality is I chose to live where I do and my community has a lot of unhoused people so I have to accept they are a part of my community. I don’t believe in gated HOA type living for myself, so why should I expect that level of conformity and comfort? I’ll face more discomfort but try to still live within my values in the face of it.
Aaaaand the edible has kicked in.
This isn’t the best approach necessarily, but it’s a feel-good thing: If they’re intercepting me as I go to a store, I refuse to give money, but offer to buy them something to eat inside (or whatever else they need). I hold to those promises and they’re generally grateful.
I also sometimes give money if someone isn’t actively accosting about it. It’s down to what I can afford, too.
This is what I did when I used to work downtown and encounter them frequently. They usually tell you why they want money… usually food, but sometimes a bus ticket or gas. I always say I don’t have or won’t give you cash but let’s go and I’ll buy you what you need. More than half of them would give up and walk away when they realized you wouldn’t just give them cash. Never ended buying any gas or a bus ticket, but I did buy quite a few meals and even groceries a couple times. Most were incredibly appreciative.
Part of the reason for those who won’t accept anything but cash is purely because they’re not actually homeless but instead learned that they can make more begging than they can working a crap fast food job for example. I’ve even heard of groups of people coordinating their efforts so they can make sure they aren’t oversaturating a given part of town or in a some cases pooling the takings at the end of the day to help even out the inevitable variability
Certainly there are people that do that or want to use the money for drugs, which is why I always volunteer to buy it for them vs give them money. And I don’t carry cash anyway.
If they’re genuinely hustling for cash they’re unlikely to walk away with you to get food, a bus ticket, whatever because they’re wasting time. I’ve had a few take me up on the offer and then still try to talk me out of cash while walking, but most hustlers just walk away immediately when you call their bluff and offer to buy it for them.
I walk faster because I don’t know if they are asking for themselves, checking to steal from you (checking who has money, how much and if it’s kept somewhere they can easily take it) or working for someone worse to kidnap you.
Living in México City does wonders to paranoia.
I don’t usually give money but I do acknowledge them. Usually try to look them in the face and say “sorry I don’t have any cash” or something like that. From having spent time with a few of them (I used to work the night shift at a restaurant and often let people hang out or have a coffee), something that hurts many of them is the dehumanization.
Of course if its not just someone asking for money but someone clearly having a mental breakdown, I do my best not to engage because you never know how that could be taken.
I don’t carry cash, so that’s an easy answer.
